Life is shit. But not really shit.

What a tiring day!

Woke up at 8 am today because I had a class at 10 45 am. Got back my mid term Quiz and I was quite surprised to get 20/22. I mean, I did not study properly and guessed most of the answers! Yay! But then I did darn badly on my midterm for one of my Finance module so I guess I can't be too happy yet.

Had Japanese lesson as usual at 7 30 pm and today's lesson was somewhat easy going. I asked the teacher how to say corn and potato in Japanese and apparently the class found it funny. The teacher also explained about the final exam that we are going to have in November, after which I realised that I only have a few lesson left till the end of the course. I enjoyed attending this class and it's kind of sad that it's only gonna last a couple more weeks!

As I listened to my songs during the journey back to my home in the bus, I felt strangely relaxed today. I was sitting at the seat by the vertically positioned long chair located behind the driver, so I was able to stretch my leg and made myself comfortable. The bus was less than half empty, and the combination of the quiet surroundings with calming song helped me ease the tension I accumulated during the day.

I began to think about the things that I would have to do for the rest of the week, ranging from assignments, studying for mid term and also meetings that I have to attend. Realising that there's still a lot of stuff need to be done, I shifted my attention somewhere else just to make me think about something else. But then, soon enough, I would start to think about the readings I should read, the report I have to write and the exam I have to sit. I did not feel relaxed anymore and I became worried about the deadlines that I would soon have to meet. Readings after readings, meetings after meetings, and projects after projects. It seems like an endless cycle and honestly, I felt really really tired just thinking about these things. I just wished for December to come soon.

More often than not, we find ourselves feeling very tired from the things that we do everyday. I am not just talking about physically being tired, but also mentally being exhausted. I mean, besides school problems, we also face a lot of personal problems that we are worried about everyday.

Friendship, love, family, past, present and future. Each one of us has problems unique to ourselves, and the problem we face differes from a person to person. Sometimes, the problems can easily be overcome, but there are problems that you just can't seem to find a solution to it, no matter how hard you try to think of one.

"I wish he would be more sensitive to my feelings." "Why can't my parents understand how I feel?" "What am I gonna do once I graduate?" "What if I can't find a job?" "When am I going to forget about her and move on?" "What's the purpose of my existance?"

In reality, we are bombarded with lots of difficult life problems that are just too much to handle for our little brain in our head. Questions after questions, followed by uncertainty after uncertainty. Unable to find an answer, frustrated, we start to blame ourselves and gets into a state of depression. Although you know that there is no point thinking about it, you can't help it but to think about it. You cannot control the thoughts that goes through your mind, and suddenly, your emotions starts to get affected. You suddenly feel very tired of your life, and thus you lost motivation in things that you do everyday. You feel life's hurting, life's painful. Nothing just works right for you. Life's shit, what's the point of trying so hard anyway?

Some people handles this problems really well, able to think rationally on what to do to answer the many questions that they have in their minds. However, some people are just too overwhelmed and in the end, they feel helpless and frustrated, thinking that they are alone in this world, fighting against the cruel enemy called life, with absolutely no hope left in their future.

So far, I have been able to control my emotions very well. As I get older, my emotion does not fluctuate as much anymore, and life problems don't seem to be that impossible to solve anymore. I guess it has something to do with growing up, acquiring lots of life experience along the way and in the process, you learn how to handle your problems well. Thinking about the past 20 years, I realised that I have learnt a lot of things about family, love, friendship, relationship, school, society and the world. For some reason, thinking about how I changed as a person from who I was to who I am, I thought it was quite amazing. I mean, from a little boy who knew nothing about the world, I start to understand how the world works, and more importantly, how my emotions works. By knowing how your emotion works, what I mean is that you must know how to control your emotion well. Afterall, it is how you respond to the problem that determines how you will feel about the problem right? When you are positive, the problems seems managable and you are able to face it properly, but if you are negative, you will just avoid the problem, and in the end, problems after problem piles up and life just seems to be too painful to go through.

Yeah, I understand that it is easier said than done. I also understand that some problems can't be solved just by thinking positively. But hey, isn't it worse for you to keep thinking negatively? I mean, if just by thinking about it positively, a really shit day would just be a shit day. A hurtful experience would just be another bad day, and soon enough you realise that your life is not too bad after all. I mean, I am sure that even though your life is full of bad things happening around you, there are some good things that you can cherish, treasure and you look forward to each day, to give you the energy and hope that one day, you will find an answer to your problems. The last thing you want is to be a year older but three steps behind, and if all it takes is a different way of looking at a problem, why don't you just focus on the small positives rather than the big negatives? Just be strong and you will get there. And remember, you are not alone in your journey of life.

Finally, enjoy the new blog song I have put up. Hope it cheers up your day!